I talk to a lot of people in the course of a day.
Friends, family, clients, kids, colleagues, students.
The most common complaints I field over the course of a day revolve around shitty boundaries.
The thing is, most people don’t know they’re complaining about having bad boundaries (or no boundaries, or failing to communicate the good boundaries they carry in their hearts).
What they come to talk to me about is drama.
“You wouldn’t believe what she said…”
“Read this text message”
“She showed up uninvited AGAIN”
“She came into the store, didn’t buy anything, and asked for my advice for AN HOUR”
“He never calls me back when he says he’s going to”
“I feel so unsupported”
“I feel so drained”
Nothing is more distracting than interpersonal drama.
I mean, you know you came here to do great things.
You have gifts that are meant to be shared.
You have shit to create and people to help and jobs that beg for your attention.
But it’s damn near impossible to give those joy-filled passion projects your fullest attention when you’re busily wrapped up in some bullshit drama with another human being.
the cashier at the grocery store who measuredly ignored your frantic hand motions as the self-check out glitched out in your face
Being pissed off and hurt is mightily distracting you – to your detriment and those who would benefit from you being your most peaceful and loving self.
Your kids, your awesome partner, your friends, your parents and siblings, your ideal clients — they’re all just WAITING for you to put some great boundaries in place and get yourself to a day when you aren’t wadded up in personal drama.
We all think that our drama is about THEM.
About what they DID
About what they ALWAYS DO
The truth is that the drama is almost always about US.
They are a cooperative component to the drama we’ve said we’re willing to allow into our lives.
It’s true. Some of them are assholes.
But they’re assholes with ACCESS
Access to YOU and your amazing life.
They’re here because YOU SAID THEY COULD BE. Or, at the very least, because you didn’t say they couldn’t be.
They’re doing the thing to you because you said, “it’s okay. do the thing.”. Or at least because you didn’t say, “do not do that thing to me”.
Every single one of your dramatic relationships is healable. Which is not to say that you can change anyone else’s behaviour. They’re going to do what they do.
But you can do what you can do.
And what you can do is CREATE and ENFORCE boundaries.
Decide, once and for all, what’s okay, and what’s not. And then mean it. Enforce it. Guard it.
Because you are here to do some serious shit. You are here to move mountains and then to show others how it’s done.
You are here for a reason. And that reason is NOT to spend the rest of your precious days ensconced in some petty bullshit drama.
It’s time for some changes, non?