A few months ago, I was asked to do something completely outside of my comfort zone by some acquaintances of mine. I said yes, because it was obviously something very important to the asker, but it wasn’t something that I felt even remotely qualified for.
When I told my bff about that I was feeling a bit weird about it, I asked her, “why me, do you think?” her reply astounded me.
“Maybe they asked you because they knew you wouldn’t judge them”
To think that this might be the case filled me with a whole bunch of joy because I think that the thing I strive to have people say about me is, “I never felt judged by her.”
It’s a pretty good life goal, I think – to have people feel that they can tell me anything and be received with love and acceptance and, when necessary, forgiveness.
That’s the greatest feeling, isn’t it? To feel like we’ll be unconditionally forgiven?
I know what it’s like to be judged. To have done something that I feel is worthy of judgement. In those times, it’s those few friends and family to whom I could confide the full force of my shame and receive love in return that got me back to a place resembling self-love.
How is it that we all know just how lousy it feels to f*ck up and be judged for it and yet we can all tend to hold one another’s mistakes in trust – ready to be paraded out in moments of weakness. Or to feel like we must hide our quirks and our wishes because we’ll be misunderstood.
Yes, your ego may get a little thrill when you put someone down, but I can promise that you will get no closer to the life you want by judging someone else’s faults or the things that make others different from you.
Here’s what I believe:
Only love has the power to transform shame into humility and humility is what makes you beautiful
This goes for both the giving and receiving of love. Loving a person who expects judgement makes you beautiful just as receiving love and forgiveness and letting it be the ladder to your own healing makes you beautiful.
Which is pretty win-win, non?
The rub is that your weaknesses made you strong because you survived them. They are the things that draw people closer to you and make you unfailingly lovable. Tricky, but it makes sense.
I believe that this is the way we all feel inside. We all want to give one another good advice and prop each other up when we’re slumping and it’s impossible to be this loving person you are inside if you are busy judging.
The best we can do, then, is to surround ourselves in those to whom we can show ourselves when it’s hard to muster any amount of self-love and allow their love to be the transmutation of our misdeeds.
And, whenever possible, seek to be that person for another.
Just the way you are,