How many ways are you avoiding your dream life?
Believe me, baby girl.
I know what it’s like to distract myself from the feeling that there’s more out there I’m meant to be doing.
I used to throw myself into dramatic relationships
Because I thought that being loved was the path to abundance
Because everything I had learned from the world around me indicated that my most important task was to find a nice husband with a good job
I would get caught up in the petty bullshit in my place of work – in-fighting and salary disputes and workplace romance – all so that I didn’t have to look my own ambition in the eye.
I know exactly what you’re going through.
Yes, my specifics might be different from yours’.
But I know exactly how it feels to have this burning in your heart. To feel like you might explode from the wasting of your talents and passions.
To pick fights with coworkers and loved ones in order to feel alive at the end of a work day that’s completely sucked you dry of any marrow you have left.
To be so worried about who isn’t doing his job and who’s being paid more than you even though you’re the one who trained her and who gets to spend his days doing the very thing that you want to do goddamnit.
I had my first panic attack while feeling like my cubicle was literally closing in on me and my business-casual outfit was choking me out like a boa constrictor.
I know what the glass ceiling feels like
I know what the pink ceiling feels like
I know what the golden handcuffs feel like
I know that you want so much more for your life that you can taste it but that you have no idea what it takes to get there so you don’t even turn your glance in the direction of a life that inspires you because WHAT WILL YOUR MOTHER SAY IF YOU LEAVE A JOB WITH BENEFITS?!
(Note: my mother said, “You don’t leave a job with benefits” and yet I did.)
I’ve felt the fear you’re feeling right now
I’ve felt how impossible it seems to stay where you’re at and how far away your dreams seem so that neither option feels tenable IN THE LEAST.
The future you dream of seems so far away that it’s barely a pinpoint on the misty horizon.
I know how it feels to feel unsupported.
I once had someone tell me that becoming a yoga teacher was, “a rich man’s wife’s dream”. I was a single mom at the time.
I became a yoga teacher anyway. Because it burned at my soul until I did.
Here’s what I think:
I believe that it is worth it to move towards that scary and uncomfortable feeling of not knowing because otherwise, the wanting will continue to burn you
Your health will be negatively impacted (but you’ve got all those benefits…)
You will feel joyless (but there are only fourteen more years until your house is paid off…)
You will be less YOU in your life (but who puts you so high on the list of things to be anyway?)
There are, indeed, those among us who feel genuine peace and happiness in a mundane life.
God bless them. I’m often jealous of those guys.
And there are those who will spend an actual precious human lifetime HATING the life they have chosen but white-knuckling it through to death.
My heart goes out to those ones (though, in truth, they frustrate me with their apathy sometimes and I have to remind myself to have compassion).
The former probably inspires envy (as it does in my own heart).
The second is the thing that keeps you up all night.
The idea that you might successfully anesthasize yourself to the grave wakes you up at 3am and grabs you by the heart and squeezes and makes you feel like you might experience only a fraction of the joy and satisfaction and adventure as was there for you because you were successfully avoiding having to quit or disappoint or leave the religion you grew up in or because you needed to get thinner or meet the right partner or get more education or save up some money or you just had a baby or got your hair coloured or spent a hundred dollars on yourself already this month.
How many ways are you avoiding your dream life?
This life is happening now. Right here. In front of you and all around you.
There is no other time to start
Haven’t you seen it?
The rash of people OUR AGE every year who DIE WITH THEIR SONGS UNSUNG?
Some people are naturally peaceful and some would rather be normal than happy.
But you are not that person
And neither am I.
I want to show you every single thing that I have learned about how to be myself in this world that would have me be literally anything but myself.
I have tried just about everything you can think of.
I’ve tried unhealthy, disordered methods of reaching myself, and I’ve used every single method I could get my hands on to get to it the loving way.
I will show you everything. I will tell you all of my ugly truths if I think it will help you to forgive and love your own truth.
But first, let me tell you this. It’s important.
You are not trapped.
The door isn’t locked
You can leave right now
You can leave today
And if today seems too scary for actual leaving, then you can begin in this moment to make your life work better for you.
At the Spiritual Slumber Party Fall Retreat last week, I did several one-off one-on-one coaching sessions with a few incredible women.
One such lady was HATING her job. We talked for an hour. I gave her some of my best strategies. I looked her dead in the eye and told her, “you. are. free.” and she looked back at me, and through her tears, I could see that she believed me.
This was Saturday.
By Tuesday, she had served her notice.
If THIS is the kind of shit that we can do together in ONE HOUR, imagine what I can do with YOU in FOUR MONTHS
I’m zero percent kidding. I’m really good at it this and you have everything that it takes to be really good at it too.
If I resonate for you, I will show you everything I know about manifesting the most amazing life imaginable.
That, coupled with my unwavering belief in you, will move mountains if you let it.
If this isn’t for you right now, these words probably went right through you. Maybe you haven’t even read this far. Bless you. I love you so much. I’ll see you when you’re ready.
But if this is for you, then your heartstrings tightened reading these words.
You are ready. Right now. To step forward into the stuff of dreams. To become the third type of person:
The type of person who pursues her dreams like a motherfucker.
The type who keeps her sense of humour, even when she’s crying her face off.
The type who raises her hand and says, “I will try. I will try to be the kind of person who pursues a beautiful life”